Advent

This has been an interesting Advent. I am not sure how, or indeed where, it is going to end. One thing I will say though is that it has been a very different season to what I expected when the year began. Things about which I felt certain have crumbled into nothing and new directions about which I never imagined have opened up. All this of course would be wonderful if it had occurred early in this year of discernment when I still had the resources to support the quest. Here at the end, with the funds running out it is some what less exciting.

It does occur to me that this may be a recurring theme in my life and that it is in this period of panic that I suddenly become pro-active and grab frantically at the first life belt that is thrown my way. Hardly surprisingly this rarely ends well. It is also at this point that I most want someone else to fix it and feel abandoned by God when nothing happens.

Recently, while reading Rohr's daily Lenten devotionals I was shocked to contemplate the idea that this call and reliance on authority was a sign of a very fundamental type of faith. And I do not think he meant it in a good way. What Rohr appeared to be suggesting is that to really come through the other side and become a 'grown up' would require me to do the internal work and come up with solutions on my own.. It was a bit more complicated than that, but that was the gist..

I guess that what that means is that the Advent journey is not over yet and I may not find an answer until after the resurrection... While I am sure that could be a sound and uplifting theological experience I really do not want to know what the crucifixion is going to look like.